it's okay to be single.

have you ever had those days when you just want to talk or process, but can't seem to form coherent sentences? yeah, me too. so today i'm just going to write, and write, and write...and hope it makes sense.

okay, so two weeks ago, i posted about my current state of singlehood (is that a word? i guess it should be "singleness". haha). it was a bit of a vulnerable post for me because i struggle being open and honest and vulnerable, especially on the internet...and i care too much about what people think. 

after posting it i got some (pretty encouraging) feedback, and i thought, "wait, people actually are reading my blog?" hahaha.

so. i feel like i left that last post on a very depressing note. i don't want to apologize for my honesty and vulnerability in the last post, but i want to explain myself a little better. if that makes sense.

this topic (singleness) has been on my mind a lot recently. maybe it's because i am still single and wishing for a man to walk through life beside me. but after thinking and mulling it over, i've come to some simple conclusions. (and y'all have my permission to send me the link to this post when i'm having a bad day again. ;))

but enough rambling.

on to my musings...

1. it is okay to be single. 

    

   there is nothing wrong with me. it is perfectly fine to be single. there is no law in America requiring me to marry. do i want to marry? ohhhyes, like, tomorrow please. i know that God knows my great desire to marry and raise a family, and i know i can trust Him to take care of that desire until the time comes.
do i have days when i struggle letting go of my desire for control? YES (i think that's clear from my last post). but it's okay! i'm human. i will make mistakes. i am learning. i think this is part of the beauty of the life i'm living. God is continually teaching me. i hear Him speak all the time. having a boyfriend or husband won't necessarily bring me closer to God. it's in the single years that i have the freedom to truly focus and learn how to rely on God FOR MYSELF. not with the help of my parents or a husband. 

2. God is craving my attention more than i am craving a man's attention.

   

    it's so simple, God is jealous for me. He wants my attention MORE than i  want a man's attention. He wants to be first. i don't know why it never really hit me before. maybe because God knows exactly what i need, when i need it. i think i already knew it, but now i KNOW it. simple truths like this help me through the mundane of everyday life.

3. today i am called to be single.

     what if i just take it one day at a time? i choose Jesus today. i choose contentment today. i choose joy today. i choose grace today. i choose generosity today. i am called to be single today. that may change tomorrow, but today i will be the single woman who is walking the path God has put her on. 

i will have bad days, but that's what grace is for, yeah? is that an excuse for a bad attitude? no, but venting/talking it out is kind of like therapy for me. and if i can relate to and encourage one person who reads this, being vulnerable is worth it. :)