missing in action and an announcement.

ohhey. i forgot i have a blog.

haha, not really...

my life has gotten SO busy in the last three months.
and i don't even know what's happening half of the time anyway.
i'm sorry for going MIA! <3

okay, so a little update on my life.

i got hired at a local Christian school, to help out with their Extended Care (after-school daycare). basically it's glorified babysitting. but i enjoy it. my 2nd-5th grade group keeps me on my toes for a few hours every week. :) i had been praying for something to supplement my farm income, and God answered my prayer with this job! with the hours i work in Extended Care, i can still make it home in time to do my farm chores. thank you, Jesus!

so with this current schedule, i'm basically only "home" (by "home" i mean inside the house) for a few hours, and then i'm off to the daycare, or back in the barn, or cleaning people's houses, or at a staff meeting for church, or something else. like i said, it's been crazy.

my introvert side is screaming at me all the time. i'm craving alone time. i'm craving sleep. i'm ready for a break and the year is only just starting. but whatever. it's life, yeah! i'll make it.



aaaaand i also have an announcement to make! :D


the way it sounds, i will be going with my church on TWO missions trips (a week in Nicaragua and a week in Haiti). woohoo! praise Jesus. it's been 5 months since i've been on an airplane and i'm starting to think i've been in America too long. it may sound crazy, but i think traveling helps keep me sane. ;)

anyway, i need about $2,300 for both trips (combined cost). i would love it if you prayed about supporting me. i believe God has called me to go on both of these trips, but i can't go without your support! God has given me peace about going to Nicaragua and Haiti, so i know He'll provide! :)

please contact me if you can support me financially! if not, please pray that i'm able to raise the funds for these trips! :) photobyvalerie (at) gmail (dot) com




ps. if you're on instagram, you can follow my fundraising journey AND see photos from the trips/old missions trips i've gone on. :) just follow @valeriebeth
(or look up the hashtag: #valtravels2014 )

what's next? (alternately titled "Q and A")

so you may be thinking to yourself, "Valerie is so cool! she's my favorite person in the whole wide world!"

oh, you weren't thinking that? well...okay.

maybe you were thinking something more along the lines of, "i wonder what's next for Valerie this year."

and, well, if you were thinking that, you've come to the right blog post! ;)
today's blog post will answer that question and the other gazillion questions i get asked regularly.

to answer the first question...

Q: "what's next for you this year?"
A: i'm not sure what's next for me.
i honestly don't know.
my future is a bit hazy at the moment.
i pray for guidance and peace, and feel like i get nowhere.
i'm at a point in my life where "settling down" sounds amazing, but seems a little unachievable.
i'm at a point where i'm quite tired of being told to "go see the world and don't worry about getting married yet, because once you get married, you can't travel anymore." because people don't seem to understand that i've kind of already "seen the world" and i want someone to share the world with, if you know what i mean. also, who says you can't travel once you get married?! yeah, you have more responsibilities and more expenses, but still...you can make it happen if you really want to.

but what's next? i'm not sure. i've started "putting down roots" here in Maryland, working two not-quite-part-time jobs, doing photography when i can, and volunteering at my church. i still feel called to go on missions trips and use photography as a ministry and blessing. however, i'm not planning any long-term international trips at this point. so America might be seeing a lot more of me this year (i have the tendency to go MIA for months...thanks to the wonderful world of traveling). :)


but anyway, back to the other questions.


Q: "do you have opportunities to go back to YWAM and work there?"
A: yes, but i don't have peace about it.


Q: "what about going back to community college and finishing your Associates degree?"
A: i could, but i haven't felt God telling me to go back.


Q: "would you consider going to a 4-year college? Bible college?"
A: not really. i'm kind of over the whole college thing.


Q: "would you consider taking Bible classes?"
A: i've thought about it, but haven't had clear direction. but should the opportunity (and money to do it) present itself, yes, i would probably take some Bible classes.


Q: "where and when will your next missions trip be?"
A: i don't know, i'm waiting on God to tell me. (i do feel a pull towards Peru though, so if there are any missions trips to Peru in 2014 that want/need a photographer, let me know!)


Q: "will you be going back to Africa?"
A: at this point, no. it may be a possibility in the future, but probably not in the next year.


Q: "will you be going back to Greece?"
A: my heart's desire is to go back to Greece for a week or two in the Summer or Fall of 2014. i would love it if you could pray for guidance concerning this possibility (and pray for provision, if it's God's will). :)


Q: "are you going to get married soon?"
A: well, that depends on if i get a boyfriend soon. which depends on if any men ask me out soon. in other words, i'm not hearing any wedding bells for me in the near future, but who knows? things tend to happen suddenly for me! my mom once said to me, "Valerie, you don't do anything slowly. you just dive right in." so yeah. maybe God's trying to tell me to slow down and be patient. :)


Q: "are you interested in anyone?"
A: ah, yes. trying to get information out of me, are you? well, if you must know, i don't really have my heart set on any particular male at the moment. except Captain America. ;) haha. but in all honesty, there are currently a few men that i could be interested in, however, none of them have made any moves or done/said anything to make me think that they are interested in me. so i'll wait and see. and maybe join Christian Mingle in while i'm waiting. ;)


well, there are the answers to (most of) the questions that people ask me all the time!
if there is a question which was not answered, and you're dying to know the answer to it, just ask! :)


some of my 2014 dreams & goals:
continue learning to play the banjo,
shoot two weddings as the head photographer,
take senior photos for ten 2015 seniors,
redo my photography blog,
travel to Greece for 1-2 weeks,
buy a car,
go on a date,
live as debt-free as possible,
go on a missions trip to Peru or somewhere in South America,
and continue to use my photography for God's glory.

here's to learning new things, trusting God, and making dreams happen in 2014!  

Uganda video

i went to Uganda in August.
and then i made this video from all the short clips i took while i was there.

i hope it makes you smile like it makes me smile. :)
i hope it gives you a glimpse of life in Africa.
and i hope it makes you want to go to Uganda.
please watch and be blessed.

on looking back to move forward.

note: i wrote this post on my 20th birthday (in October), but because of my travels (i'm home now!) i'm just getting around to posting it. :)


wasn't it just yesterday that i turned 13 and was terribly impatient in waiting for the "important moments of my life" like driving, graduating from high school, and getting married?

wasn't it just yesterday that i was 14, insecure, and wishing for a close friend or two?

wasn't it just yesterday when i was 15 and scared to death of driving over 35mph in a 50mph zone? ;) 

wasn't it just yesterday when i was 16, saving every penny for a "big camera", and dreaming about photographing weddings and high school seniors?

wasn't it just yesterday that i was 17 and had a checklist for my life? 

graduate from high school: check!

launch my photography career: check!

leave the family farm: 

graduate from college: 

fall in love:

get married:

start a family: 

wasn't it just yesterday that i was 18, wearing my brave face, and confidently leaving home to take on the world, but secretly terrified and shaking in my black Converse sneakers? 

wasn't it just yesterday that i turned 19 and decided to throw out my life's checklist? because nothing had happened the way i had planned and i was confident that God had a different (and way more fulfilling!) plan for my life.

wow. 

7 years of my life.

what can i say?

i can't believe how much i have changed...but i can believe it.

i regret much,

lost much,

hurt much,

and wished much.

i also learned much,

saw much,

lived much,

dreamed much,

grew much,

and loved much. 

it's funny to look back over my "teenage years" and see who i was then compared to who i am now. 

but when i look at who i am now, i realize how much more i still need to grow. 

i'm looking back to move forward. 

and today?

today i say goodbye to the teenage years.

today i look forward to my best years ever.

they're right in front of me, happening as i type. 

today i look forward to the dreams and goals for 2014 that God will give me.

here's to a year full of just Jesus, total faith, and fantastic things. :)

on jersey cows, missing home, and the will of God.

the first two-and-a-half weeks in New Zealand have flown by.

aside from the sightseeing and picture-taking, i have been learning a lot.

being on Jersey cow dairy farms has been quite interesting for me.

my family milks Holstein cows.

not Jerseys.

and if you know anything about Jerseys and Holsteins,

they may both be cows, but that's about they only way they are similar.

Amy keeps trying to tell me that "Jersey's are better"...

...but i still like my family's Holsteins more.

because hello. 

at home i don't have to squat down to be able to attach the milker. 

enough said.

haha. ;)

(to you non-cow-people, Jerseys are BABY-sized in comparison to Holsteins.)

but it's been pretty good so far.

although i am counting down the days until i get to go home.

i'm not quite sure why i am so "homesick" this trip,

but i really feel like i should be at home right now. 

i feel like i'm missing out on so much and i want to be back home.

but despite my feelings, i've been reminded (several times...) to "be all here". 

in the words of Jim Elliot, "Wherever you are, be all there! Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God."

and boy, i have been placed in several situations and encounters that seem to be the will of God. 

from the stewardess on the airplane who struck up a faith-building conversation with us because she saw Amy reading the book of Isaiah,

to the opportunity to talk religion with a Mormon lady and her non-religious husband,

to going to church and meeting a girl from Wisconsin,

i can see God working.

it's been neat. 

i am excited to see the other ways God will use us during our time "Down Under". :)

photos coming later...

Hobbiton

below: Samwise and Rosie's house.

below: me and Amy in front of the Hobbiton sign. :D

below: the "Party Tree" that Bilbo had his 111th birthday party under.

below: Bag End, Bilbo Baggin's house

Amy and i went to Hobbiton (Matamata, New Zealand) on Tuesday. it was AMAZING. 

i felt like i was actually in the Lord of the Rings movies.

going to Hobbiton was a dream-come-true for me. i was as giggly and excited as a 13-yr-old girl going to a One Direction concert. haha. ;)

it was SO NEAT to hear how Peter Jackson brought to life the vision for Hobbiton and SEE it. 

having lunch (scones and non-alcoholic ginger beer) at The Green Dragon (the pub from the LOTR movies) was definitely a highlight. i enjoyed the day so much. :D

more photos to come later!

New Zealand is beautiful.

hello! 

so Amy and i arrived in New Zealand yesterday morning. our travel went fairly smooth, and after a fun day with the Gecks (the first family we're staying with), we both "crashed" at around 7pm (NZ time) last night. 

can i just say that New Zealand is one of THE most beautiful places i have ever been?

because it is. 

despite the chilly temperatures of "winter" (40-60 degrees Fahrenheit), everything is so green and beautiful. 

i am in awe of God's creation.

here are a few instagram photos from the past two days! :)

leaving (again).

hey all! 

i apologize for not being a better blogger, but my life has been CRAZY this summer. 

now it's fall. 

my Mexico and Uganda trips are both over, but TODAY i leave for 7 weeks in New Zealand (+ one week in Australia). 

i am kind of in shock (almost) of the fact that this is ACTUALLY HAPPENING. 

i mean, i dreamed of going to Australia and New Zealand when i was a kid. i dreamed of going to Africa when i was a kid. i dreamed of going to Europe when i was a kid. now here i am, two months shy of my 20th birthday, and in the past year, i have spent three months in Greece and three months in Hawaii, two weeks in Uganda, a week in Mexico, and i'm about to spend 7 weeks in New Zealand and a week in Australia. sometimes i just stop and ask myself, "HOW IS THIS REAL LIFE."

i love my life. i love that my dreams are coming true. i love that every day is a crazy adventure...

...but i must say that i am looking forward to resting when i get back to America in October. i don't want to have to say "goodbye" for a while. i want to be still and listen to what God has planned for me in 2014. i want to pour myself into my relationships here (at my home in America), and really focus on discipleship and listening.

don't get me wrong, i am SO EXCITED to be going to New Zealand and Australia, and i can't wait to get there and make new friends, but i so need a season of rest right now. i just got back from Uganda two weeks ago, and the thought of spending another 20-ish hours on an airplane + jetlag kinda makes me depressed...but i think i'll be okay once i get there. here's to a smooth trip to New Zealand. America, i will see you again in October!

PS. if you don't remember what i'm doing in NZ, my friend, Amy, and i are flying to NZ to visit several dairy farms, then we're flying to Australia to visit a YWAM friend of mine. please pray for open doors to share our faith with the families we'll be staying with in NZ. :)

her.

i don't know her name.
i don't know her story.
i know nothing about her...

...but there's something about her.
her face.
her eyes haunt me.
i can't get her face out of my head.

this girl is special.
she is beautiful.
God knows her name.
He knows her story.
and He has a special plan for her,
this beautiful Ugandan child.

half of my heart.

i'm back from 2 weeks in Uganda.
i'm currently sitting on my bed in America, listening to Jesus Culture radio on Pandora, trying to process everything.
i'm near tears, my heart misses my new Ugandan family.
the only thing i want right now is to be back in Uganda.

i want to tell you everything that happened.
i want to describe every. little. thing.

but the words refuse come.

i want you to smell the things i smelled.
i want you to see the things i saw.
i want you to hear the things i heard.
i want you to feel the things i felt (feel).

but it doesn't work like that.

i want to write it all down, but i don't even know where to start.

i think i need to process it a little more before i can blog it.

all i know is that i left the other half of my heart in Uganda.
(i left the first half of my heart in Greece.)

hello from Uganda!

hey everyone!

just letting you know that i'm still alive. :)
i haven't had much time to get internet, but i'm okay and having fun in Uganda.

i can't wait to post photos for you all!

keep us and the kids we're working with in you prayers! thanks for your support! :)

dream big.

my passport came on Monday, praise the Lord! things are starting to come together. :)

i just took my first malaria pill, and it's starting to sink in that i am GOING TO AFRICA on Saturday!

when i was a kid, i dreamed about going to Africa someday. 

i remember wishing i could be grown up so i could travel the world. 

i remember thinking about what it would be like...and wondering if i'd ever get the chance to go. 

yet here i am. 

19 years old.

traveling the world.

i think the only reason i'm here, doing what i love to do, is because i dared to dream big. 

i talk to so many people who haven't traveled outside of the States, simply because they haven't done it. the only thing stopping them has been themselves. it bothers me because the world holds so many fantastic people and places. it's an adventure that i wouldn't want to miss. i can't imagine NOT traveling. i've dreamed big dreams, then watched God bring them into my life. 

i think i may be the luckiest girl alive. 

i'm living my dreams. 

Africa, here i come! :)

2 days until Uganda!

in the little things.

10 days before i'm scheduled to leave for Uganda, i'm sitting here waiting for my renewed passport to come back. can anyone say "ALL THE STRESS"? i mean, we're talking about the girl who finished college papers two weeks before they were due because she sorta kinda FREAKS OUT about deadlines (um, yes, that would be me). no, my passport isn't here yet and 10 days is cutting it kinda close. have i mentioned that i consider my passport to be nearly as sacred as my Bible? haha, okay i'm totally kidding on that one, but you get what i'm saying...you can't leave America without it! ;)

but let's get serious for a second. throughout this experience, God is teaching me.

He's saying that He is in control of the little things. He works behind the scenes. He wants my complete faith and trust. He's got this.

despite my anxiety and stress and worry, i know without a doubt that God has called me to Africa in August. i know i'm supposed to go. i know He will provide, i WATCHED Him provide. (even with the unexpected passport renewal cost + the bill from my vaccinations, i somehow still have enough money to go to Uganda, and almost enough to pay for my NZ & Australia trip!)

God is SO incredibly faithful to me. even when i stress out about little BIG things (like my passport not being here). He knows how i like to have everything planned at least 2 weeks in advance (okay, so i'm a teeny bit of a control freak). He knows my heart. and He wants my trust.

He has called me to Uganda. He is faithful and will take care of the details that are out of my control. <-- of this i have no doubt.


1 Thessalonians 5:24 says, "the One who called you is faithful and He will do it."

so if you're stressing out about something that's out of your control, i know exactly how you're feeling. but just remember that God works in everything. He's got it under control. :) if He has called you to something, He'll work out the details. don't stress.

10 days until Uganda!

PS. according to the passport people that i called today, i can be expecting my passport by this Saturday or the following Monday...so yeah. praise Him. :)

...and New Zealand & Australia.

Heyhey!

so i wanted to let you all know that i am planning another trip this year.

my best friend from Pennsylvania, Amy, and i are planning a trip to New Zealand and Australia in September (through October) of 2013. technically, this is not a "missions trip", but you're to be a missionary everywhere you go, yeah? :)

we will be working on several dairy farms in NZ, for about 6.5 weeks total, then going to Australia for a week to see the sights and hang with one of my best YWAM friend who lives in Australia.

we leave on Sept 5th and return to America on October 29th. :) 

Mexico trip.

i'm back from Mexico! 

i had a fantastic time. we built a house in 3.5 days. i loved our group. we laughed so much. :) here's a few instagram photos to hold you over until i can get my other photos edited.

Mexicoooooo

heyhey! 

in less than two days i will be on my way to Mexico for about a week! please keep our team in your prayers as we build a house for a Mexican family. i'm hoping to get some good photos also, but we'll see...i'll be pretty busy. but i'll try! :) 

thanks for your prayers and financial support. it means the world. <3 

-Val 

adventure, here i come.

hey everybody!

so just a quick update...

i don't need any money for either missions trip! God has been so faithful in providing. i'm so blown away by the generosity i've seen. 

since it's been 9 months since my last travel adventure, i think it's about time for another adventure. :) 

16 days until Mexico!!!

57 days until Uganda!

75. :)

hey hey, guys!

so i leave for Uganda in 75 days!

and Mexico in 34 days!

i am so so SO excited to travel again.

and thanks to everyone's generosity and God's provision, it looks like i only need $100-$200 more (for both trips combined). praise Jesus! :)

it's okay to be single.

have you ever had those days when you just want to talk or process, but can't seem to form coherent sentences? yeah, me too. so today i'm just going to write, and write, and write...and hope it makes sense.

okay, so two weeks ago, i posted about my current state of singlehood (is that a word? i guess it should be "singleness". haha). it was a bit of a vulnerable post for me because i struggle being open and honest and vulnerable, especially on the internet...and i care too much about what people think. 

after posting it i got some (pretty encouraging) feedback, and i thought, "wait, people actually are reading my blog?" hahaha.

so. i feel like i left that last post on a very depressing note. i don't want to apologize for my honesty and vulnerability in the last post, but i want to explain myself a little better. if that makes sense.

this topic (singleness) has been on my mind a lot recently. maybe it's because i am still single and wishing for a man to walk through life beside me. but after thinking and mulling it over, i've come to some simple conclusions. (and y'all have my permission to send me the link to this post when i'm having a bad day again. ;))

but enough rambling.

on to my musings...

1. it is okay to be single. 

    

   there is nothing wrong with me. it is perfectly fine to be single. there is no law in America requiring me to marry. do i want to marry? ohhhyes, like, tomorrow please. i know that God knows my great desire to marry and raise a family, and i know i can trust Him to take care of that desire until the time comes.
do i have days when i struggle letting go of my desire for control? YES (i think that's clear from my last post). but it's okay! i'm human. i will make mistakes. i am learning. i think this is part of the beauty of the life i'm living. God is continually teaching me. i hear Him speak all the time. having a boyfriend or husband won't necessarily bring me closer to God. it's in the single years that i have the freedom to truly focus and learn how to rely on God FOR MYSELF. not with the help of my parents or a husband. 

2. God is craving my attention more than i am craving a man's attention.

   

    it's so simple, God is jealous for me. He wants my attention MORE than i  want a man's attention. He wants to be first. i don't know why it never really hit me before. maybe because God knows exactly what i need, when i need it. i think i already knew it, but now i KNOW it. simple truths like this help me through the mundane of everyday life.

3. today i am called to be single.

     what if i just take it one day at a time? i choose Jesus today. i choose contentment today. i choose joy today. i choose grace today. i choose generosity today. i am called to be single today. that may change tomorrow, but today i will be the single woman who is walking the path God has put her on. 

i will have bad days, but that's what grace is for, yeah? is that an excuse for a bad attitude? no, but venting/talking it out is kind of like therapy for me. and if i can relate to and encourage one person who reads this, being vulnerable is worth it. :)

a vulnerable post.

i don't even know where to begin,

except by admitting that i've been overwhelmed lately.

and lonely.

and melancholy.

i have so many feelings and emotions whirling around inside of me right now and i haven't journaled since August 2012, so that might be why i feel overwhelmed...ha.

i absolutely LOVE that so many of my friends are getting engaged and married. i am happy for them, honestly. it makes my heart happy to see how happy they are. and i am happy with where i am right now. i can do whatever i want. i can see the world and not have to worry about having a boyfriend or husband's approval of where i go or who i hang out with. i'm free to do whatever i want! and i love it. i wouldn't trade it for anything right now.

but every time i do something fun or go somewhere new, there's this horrid longing inside of me (so maybe "horrid" isn't the right word). an ache, really, to have someone to share it with. to be living life alongside a man who enjoys the same things. and we could talk about it. challenge each other. love each other. protect each other. i feel like my life is slipping away from me. like i'll never fall in love. 

i mean, will it ever be my turn to be in love?

it seems silly to feel this way, but i see friends who are younger than me getting married and it bothers me.

since a very young age, my plan has been to marry young (like my grandmother and great-grandmother who married at the ages of 18 and 19), and raise a family. i said i was going to get married when i was 18, because that's what Grandma did!

but i guess God's plan for my life is a bit different.

18 has come and gone, and here i am. single. lonely. 19.

everyone says "don't worry, you're only 19. i got married at 20, you have time." but it turns out that they got married at 20 but they had been dating their spouse since 9th grade, were engaged at 19, got married, and had, like, 3 kids by the time they were 26.

and here i am. single. lonely. 19. never had a boyfriend. never even had a guy ask me out!

but then i'm like, "well, stop it, Valerie. don't compare your story to everyone else's stories, because it's completely different." but i somehow still find myself making an 11:11 wish and praying for a man to come into my life.

and then i feel selfish because i have friends who are much older than me, still single, and wishing they had a husband or wife as well. they deserve to have someone love them. and i know they want it just as much as i do.

and i know that i sound ridiculous. i feel like a little kid whining because someone else has something and i want it.

but i KNOW that there's someone out there for me. and the fact that i have no idea who he is or when he will come into my life is driving me crazy because i've been waiting for him my whole life. because i refuse to settle. 

but the hardest part is the teasing. parents, uncles, cousins...they all tease because i have no boyfriend. they want to know when i'll be getting married. making jokes about how i'll still be single when i'm 26 (what a random age). it's a constant reminder of my singleness. my loneliness. and it hurts, dang it! i'm usually not a super sensitive person (okay, so i am pretty sensitive), but really?!

i'm not wishing my single years away. i fully intend to enjoy them and live it up. travel. see and photograph the world. follow God's will. but i wish i had someone to share it with. i mean, it's normal for a girl to want someone to love her, take care of her, protect her, and just be there for her, right?

so here i am, going on missions trips. fending for myself. protecting myself by building up walls around my heart and holding everything inside because i don't want to talk about what hurts me. i want one person i can trust. i want one person who will want to get to know me. i want one person who will take one look at my face and know something's wrong. i want someone who won't try to understand everything, but who will be understanding. 

i just want someone to just BE with.

a real, tangible man who will live life with me. together. an adventure.

i don't care about fancy dinners or movies or dates.

i don't care about anything really. 

i just want someone to just be with.

but he's not here yet...

...and patience isn't exactly a thing i've mastered.

but maybe i'm looking at this all wrong. i am trying to be content, but dang it, it's hard!

it's a daily struggle.

Lord, give me strength and grace for this road. 

dear future husband, i wish you were here. like, yesterday.